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How to Have a Disagreement Like an Adult, According to Deepak Chopra

  • October 01, 2020

That goes for social media too. If you are gearing up to unleash on someone’s social media feed, you definitely don’t have his support. Take a deep breath and choose to move on. “I don’t engage in arguments. I never respond to critics,” Mr. Chopra said. He doesn’t respond to “flatterers” either. He’s on social media merely to distill information or offer inspiration. But once in a while he will catch a glimpse of a comment under an Instagram post and acknowledge it. “I do respond, but not to the question,” he said. “I respond with an inspiring quote.”

Before you go, you’ll probably need to release some pent-up resentment that you’ve swallowed from choosing not to engage in your argument. Mr. Chopra said to “sit quietly with eyes closed, take some deep breaths, and center your attention on your heart. Continue until the residual anger dissipates.”

STEP 2

If you don’t start with an open ear, you’ve lost your opponent. The key is to listen to the other person enough to get to know them in an authentic way — at least a little bit.

“If you’re not aware of what is going on in their mind, in their life, in their relationships, in their personal experience of everyday reality, where is the solution?” Mr. Chopra said. “You’re just going to attack them.”

Listening also allows you, and the other person, to cool down.

STEP 3

The simplest way to learn about someone else is to ask about what is meaningful to them. Mr. Chopra has used the following strategy whenever he’s been enlisted to resolve conflicts, even among his highest profile clientele: “I tell them to go out and have Chinese food together and talk about their mother or their father or their teenage years,” he said. “Something that shows you that you are a regular human being and that you can be also vulnerable.” He said that expressing your vulnerability is a sign of strength.

This is the best way to understand a person’s values, which Mr. Chopra defines as core beliefs. “They pertain not to politics, religion, money or sex. They fit the description, ‘Speak your truth,’” he said. “Find your truth before you spout off.”

Article source: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/30/style/deepak-chopra-disagreement-advice.html

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